I’m not here to talk about my age; I’m here to talk about marriage. Not mine, specifically, though I could wax poetic about decades of being together through thick and thin, holding on to one another like inflatable rafts in the stormy seas of life, and surviving all sorts of trauma intact because there’s strength in togetherness. All of that would be true—I’ve long said that in marriage, life’s joys are multiplied by two and its hardships divided by two, and that has certainly been true in my case—but again, I’m not here to talk about my marriage, just marriage in general.
Let’s see. Two people fall in love, they buy a couple of rings, say their vows, and embark on life’s path together. Nice, right? I think so, too. So nice, in fact, that I wish everyone could find that person who will stand by them always, no matter what. The person who knows them at their ugliest and loves them anyway. The forever person.
We all deserve the forever person.
The thing is, while we can certainly all have a forever person if we’re lucky enough to find one, at this time, we cannot all marry that person. What’s up with that? For the life of me, I cannot understand why some pairs of in-love adults can head up to City Hall and leave there hitched, while others would be turned away. In most states, same-sex couples can’t get married. In 2011. In America.
Um, okay. Why not? I’ve heard some of the arguments:
It’s not how it’s ever been done. If that were enough, you wouldn’t be reading this because you’d be busy hunting or gathering or skinning some horned beast while your significant other got the fire going.
Marriage is an institution ordained by God, and God is against same-sex marriage. I have an idea. How about we play as fair as we can here and then let God make the final call on how we did when our time comes? Sound good? Plus, I’m fine with churches refusing to marry same-sex couples, just not governments.
I don’t want to have to explain it to my children when they see two guys or two girls holding hands in public. Fair enough. I don’t want to explain to mine that some people in this world are closed-minded and mean. Nobody ever said parenting was a picnic.
I think it’s creepy. I understand. I think that sushi, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, liverwurst, and Tom Cruise are all creepy, so I don’t plan on inviting any of them into my house. I recommend that you avoid inviting any gay people over for a pot-luck supper.
But what about the children? Marriage is designed to create healthy units for raising children! There are far worse situations for children than being raised in loving, two-parent households. And if you’re worrying about the actual process of making children, rest assured that there are plenty of kids who need homes and would be delighted to have a couple of moms or dads to hound them about eating their veggies.
Gay couples will influence their children to grow up homosexual, too. If that were the case, gay people, most of them children of heterosexuals, wouldn’t be out there giving you the creeps.
If we allow same-sex couples to marry, that’ll open the door for people who want to marry groups of people, or children. Or animals! Where will it end? Don’t be an idiot.
Well, it’s just not natural. For you. It’s not natural for you, and I respect that so I think that you should definitely marry someone with opposite fun parts.
Legalizing same-sex marriage will take away from all marriages. Really? How, exactly? Not to get personal, but how’s your marriage? If it’s a good, solid union that enriches your life, it’ll still be all of those things after your gay neighbors get back from their honeymoon. If it sucks, it’ll still suck.
That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. What say you?