Welcome to the nerdy side of town, Mary. And thank you.
Adrian is seven years old and has started asking a lot of questions.
"Why don't you retire?"
"Hey, isn't that the bank you got fired from?"
"How much did I cost?"
"I know Daddy's work sells expensive cars, so where's all that money going?"
"How come sometimes you lick Daddy's tongue?"
"What does obnoxious mean?"
"Why do I get embarrassed when you say sexy?"
I had to tread lightly on this one. I suppose I had dreaded this one for a long time because I was worried about how I would handle it. I wanted to be open and awesome mom about it, but I also wanted him to not ask any logistical questions about penises and butts and how that all kinda goes together. I remember trying to explain why our puppy was humping us, and that led to multiple nightmares about the phrase I'd coined, "hugging you with his penis". I'm the worst sex-talking mom ever. I tried to keep this one as simple as I could.
Mary: Well. You know how most of the time boys like girls and girls like boys. Well, sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls. AND THAT'S OKAY. (I think I thought if I said this enough, my son would suddenly become a lifetime democrat and start hugging all the gays and lesbians while high-fiving mentally handicapped kids and giving money to strangers on welfare )
Adrian: That's okay. Like, Ellis likes you and I like Daddy.
Mary: No, it's a different kind of like. It's the way I like Daddy and Nana and Papa like each other. They can love each other and not in a "wud up buddy" kind of way. Like, more like a "I want to kiss you" kind of way. AND THAT'S OKAY.
Adrian: Wow, that's weird. So they hold hands and stuff? Is it kind of like being mentally-retarded so we have to be nice to them?
Mary: Uhhhh. No. It's nothing like being mentally-retarded. But yes you have to be nice to them because there are a lot of people that are mean to them. They are born that way and the most important thing is to accept anyone the way they are.
Adrian thinks about this for a moment.
Adrian: I think I get it. It's kind of like the devil.
Mary: (wishes Christian son didn't ALWAYS play the Jesus card)
Mary: How so?
Adrian: Like, we know it's there, but we'll probably never see it. Like, I probably won't ever actually see the devil and I won't ever see a gay person so I don't have to think about it, right?
Mary: Ehhhhhhh. No. Your Uncle Spencer is gay. AND THAT'S OKAY
Adrian: SO HIS FRIEND THAT HAD THE PUPPY...WAS ..WAS....WAS...WAS....THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND???!!?!?!
Mary: That was his boyfriend. But yes, you kinda get it. They broke up, though. Now he has a new boyfriend that you'll probably meet this weekend.
Adrian: Oh my gosh. Do they kiss each other?
Mary: Yes. AND THAT'S OKAY.
Adrian: ON THE MOUTH?!?!?!
Mary: Yes. They do everything me and your Daddy do.
Adrian: Ohhhh. Ohhhhh my gosh. I'm sorry. I. It's just. I had no idea. I'm uh new to this, you know. I'm sorry. I'm not laughing. I mean, I am kind of. But, I just didn't know. Oh my gosh.
Mary: I want you to understand how important it is that you don't treat Spencer any differently. He's still the same person, still your Uncle. It's really important that you treat him the same, and that you NEVER use the term "gay" to say something mean about somebody.
We met Spencer's new guy that weekend and Adrian ran up to him and shook his hand so vigorously while smiling big and eagerly. It was as though he was screaming at them:
I'M TOTALLY COOL WITH ANYONE AND EVERYONE BEING GAY!
That weekend I was putting him to bed. My next door neighbor and her boyfriend were going to come out to dinner with us and she came over a little early to have a glass of wine while we waited for the babysitter and for our car-business guys to get off work.
Adrian saw Amy and I told him to tell her goodnight. Then I took him to his room to tuck him in and be a perfect sitcom parent.
Adrian: Why is Amy here? Is she babysitting me?
Mary: No, Heather is babysitting you. She's just here to see me. She's coming out with me and Daddy tonight.
Adrian: ON YOUR DATE?!
Mary: Yes. On our date. No more questions, it's time for bed.
Adrian: Mom, wait.
Mary: Adrian, no more talking. Go to sleep.
Adrian: It's okay that you're gay. I love you.
He thought I was going on a date with another girl and that I was now gay. And he wanted me to know that he loves me anyway AND THAT'S OKAY.
Early in January, a few rock-star bloggers came up with a great idea. They organized an event for bloggity folks, encouraging them to invite another blogger to do a guest post and to be open to the idea of guest blogging, if asked. Leap Blog Day was well received and last time I looked, forty-one people had signed up. Cool, right?
Oh, and if you're looking for me today, I'm guest blogging over at cdnkaro's place. Stop by and say hello, won't you?